Guy Morrall	(Captain)
Nationality: British
Guy has been with Talitha since time began. He has worked up through the ranks, gaining his masters ticket in 1997, and the Captains position in 2001. He has now been a familiar face onboard for well over 180 charters. Married to Nicky, they have now three kids.. Archie, Evie and Milo. Guy's hobbies include Morris dancing and trying on hats. He is an avid Cosmo reader and likes to press wild cats.
Joined Talitha: October 1993		Age: 41

Giles Sangster	(2nd Captain)
Nationality: British
Giles began his yachting career on Talitha as deck hand in 1998. A natural strawberry blond, he enjoys mountain biking, squash, wake boarding and gassing badgers. He also likes to travel where he pursues his passion for photography and the outdoors. He's from somewhere in the UK that no one ever hears about, like Bognor or Ipswich. Also married with kids. Love is blind, they say. Love is evidently also deaf and mad, and with very little sense of smell.
Joined Talitha: January 1998		Age: no

Ben Scott - Pencil	(First Officer)
Nationality: Kiwi
Pencil is tall and has a peruvian basket weavers haircut that makes him look like a 6 foot dandelion on fire running through a forest of kelp. You know what? I made that up... all of it. Complete gibberish, that. But you fell for it, like the fascist you are. But I digress.. where was I? You know if Beyonce was to marry Roy Castle, she'd be Beyonce Castle.. which is almost funny.
Joined Talitha: May 2008		Age: 31

Kyle James	(Deckhand)
Nationality: Canadian
We rescued Kyle from the chimney of a London townhouse in the late 18th century, where he was being used as forced labour. His hobbies include apathy and other stuff.. probably. It had occurred to me that if I made these profiles ridiculous enough they might relieve me of the task. Well that idea kinda turned and bit me in the ass, didn't it..
Joined Talitha: May 2011		Age: 4

Lloyd Hoffmeyer	(Deckhand)
Nationality: South African
Lloyd hails from South Africa, where he was a successful entrepreneur, until a balloon of murray mints exploded in his colon and he was forced to apply for lucozade. We took him on for his unique ability to hear in the dark and his collection of chicken porn.
Joined Talitha: July 2011		Age: 29

Sera Gibson	(Deckhand)
Nationality: Kiwi
Sera has come along to fill Hayley's illustrious shoes. It's a hard act to follow but she's doing just fine. She's feisty and adorable at the same time, and she surfs too. Sera was once voted "most likely to smash your face in" at a beauty pageant in Valhalla, and she has a pet coathanger.
Joined Talitha: May 2011		Age: 25

Bjorn Gudmunsson - Iceman	(Chief Engineer)
Nationality: Icelandic
Bjorn is Icelandic. I don't know much about Iceland but I imagine it to be a land of ice, where the people live in igloos and catch their supper through holes in the vast desolate windswept icescape. Probably have to read by the light of the Aurora Borealis and hunt polar bears across the tundra. Anyway he drives a BMW, which means there probably was a plethora of vacuum cleaner salesmen up there at one point.
Joined Talitha: Jan 2009		Age: 28

Gunnar Asgeirsson	(2nd Engineer)
Nationality: Icelandic
Gunnar is another Icelandic, so gibberish is commonplace in the engine room.. it's like listening to Bill and Ben the Flowerpot men, after a helium sucking session. Gunnar is very typical for an Icelandic type.. sleeps with a rifle, batters his own dinner to death, sleeps with deer, talks gangsta.. that kind of thing. I'm pretty sure he's had someone locked in his cellar since 1997, but we're not supposed to talk about it.
Joined Talitha: August 2011		Age: 29

John Cockerill	(Third Engineer)
Nationality: Aussie
John is an Aussie, he's anally obsessed with cleanliness, claiming to change his sheets on a weekly basis. Doesn't sound Aussie does it? Doesn't share his whisky, I know that! Git.
Joined Talitha: May 2011		Age: 30

Jerry Parr - Jerd	(Electrician)
Nationality: British
Jerry has been in this game for 16 years. It's quite a miracle he isn't dead actually, all things considered. A paranoid schizophrenic, he enjoys reading and diving and watching Family Guy. His hobbies include grinding his teeth, biting his fingernails and drinking to excess to deaden the chatter in his head. He's fairly absent minded, in the sense that his mind is absent.
Joined Talitha: August 2004		Age: 76

Tamara Ellis - TamTam	(Purser)
Nationality: Aussie
Tam is from Perth. She's small and feisty and is the glue that keeps the whole shooting match together. She juggles 57 different tasks at once and is probably going to get an ulcer. When she's not doing that she spends her time looking and smelling oh so fine, says this casual observer.
Joined Talitha: Summer 08		Age: 28

Lauren Carter - USM	(Chief Stewardess)
Nationality: South African
Lauren is the artistic type; painting, drawing, making things. Very outdoorsy, cheerful, passionate, fun, and luverly. She's responsible for the Talitha rowing artwork, which you'll agree is brilliant. She has a degree in Creative Band Communications and has worked on a cruise ship as part of the entertainment staff. She's awesome. I don't know if any of that is true. That's just what she told me to say. For my money, anyone who shouts "durchfall" in the middle of a Hamburg shopping mall is alright in my book.
Joined Talitha: March 2008		Age: 24

Georgie Willcocks	(Stewardess)
Nationality: Extremely British
Georgie is what you might call bubbly. Or insane, depending on your viewpoint.
Joined Talitha: October 2011		Age: 23

Bobi Smith	(Stewardess)
Nationality: British
Bobi is so new that no one has actually met her, so we've yet to find out if she minds being called Bob, which was my plan. According to my interpretation of her introductory spiel though, she is sporty and likes a laugh and talks dead posh. I'm sure as hell gonna google that calendar anyway. I'm sure there's other stuff but I got distracted by a memory of something amusing that happened to me in 1991 involving spinach. Anyway, I'm sure she's brilliant. Let's find out!
Joined Talitha: May 2011		Age: 24

Sarah Green	(Stewardess)
Nationality: British
Sarah is Ollie's missus. She's come to keep him in line, cos you know, he's a bit shifty, and needs a slap. So she's gonna do that and hopefully curb the madness a bit, and also do the stew thing if theres time. She makes garden sheds out of lettuce in her spare time and is saving up for a backup spleen.
Joined Talitha: December 2011		Age: 25

Kristi Goble - Kiki	(Stewardess)
Nationality: Canadian
Kristi joins us for our crossing from Antigua just in time to participate in our rowing extravaganza, which is handy cos she used to row for Canada, maybe. We woke up one morning after a big night in the Mongoose and she was part of the crew. A bit like a traffic cone. She says I'll never have to drink alone again, so I'm stoked.
Joined Talitha: March 2010		Age: 22

Oliver Luscombe	(Head Chef)
Nationality: Brtitish
Ollie is British.. we're getting a stronger contingent. This could be good or bad. Either we'll resurrect the British Empire in some small way or the weather will turn to crap and follow us around raining down grey misery. In any case his poached eggs are the only reason I haven't gone mad and picked up a machete.
Joined Talitha: May 2011		Age: 31

Jodi Shaw	(2nd Chef)
Nationality: Scottish
Jode is from Paisley, near Glasgow. She's been promising to watch Rab C Nesbitt with me for nearly 3 years but she lies like a flat fish. Anyway she's all sporty and that, and likes to lick peoples faces when they're not looking. Makes a mean chicken pie thing with a special name I can't remember.
Joined Talitha: June 2009		Age: 26

Maja - Madge	(Stewardess)
Nationality: Swedish
Madgey is the former surgeon general of Bratislava, and came to us because of the free luncheon vouchers, which is what swings it for most people actually. Very happy we are too as she's got more legs than most, all of which are insured for a hefty sum. She loves the ocean and spends a great deal of her time on it practising her favourite sport - vomiting, in which she is proficient.
Joined Talitha: May 2010		Age: 22

Graeme	(Deckhand)
Nationality: Aussie
Orphaned in the great sarcasm wars of the 70's, Graeme was rasied in the wild by a family of travelling lobsters. He made his way in life juggling atoms for food until we picked him up quite by chance at a leper colony we visited for a laugh in Penetanguishine. He doesn't have any hobbies, but he does like to do certain stuff occasionally for recreation.
Joined Talitha: October 2011		Age: 27

View our roll-call of past crew members